Love Languages: The Secret To A Happy Relationship

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Relationships can be difficult, and in many cases, even love isn’t enough! If you constantly feel as though you’re not quite on the same page as your partner, it could be that you just aren’t quite in tune with each other’s primary and secondary love languages.

Contrary to belief, romantic partners don’t need to have the same love language in order for their relationship to thrive.

What’s more important is that each individual makes an effort to understand the other’s love language.

For greater relationship satisfaction and resilience during difficult times, verbal communication and taking the time to understand your partner’s love language is key.

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What are the Five Love Languages?

According to Gary Chapman, who presented this theory, there are five love languages. We each have both a primary and a secondary love language.

Our primary love language is how each individual person prefers to be shown and show love. For relationships to thrive, we need to understand both our own love language, and that of our partner. 

It’s easy to miss the mark when trying to show your partner that you care. When someone is upset or anxious, you may automatically look to your own love language to make them feel better.

You may wish to purchase them a gift to cheer them up, as this is what you’d appreciate in the same situation.

However, your partner’s love language may be different from yours. They may prefer quality time over receiving gifts, meaning even a thoughtful gift isn’t the best thing for the situation.

The love languages don’t only apply to romantic relationships, but also platonic and familial relationships.

Your nearest and dearest will have their own love language just as you do, and taking time to understand their language can help you to build healthy relationships.

Overview of the Five Love Languages

According to Chapman, we have primary love languages and secondary love languages. The primary love language is our go-to. This is how we prefer to both show and receive love. 

Words of Affirmation

The first love language is words of affirmation. People who have words of affirmation as their love language need verbal reassurance from their partner. They might like to hear, ‘I love you’ or ‘I am here for you’. People with this language will also love handwritten notes and messages to show them that they are appreciated.

The five love languages - words of affirmation

Quality Time

Quality time is about spending time with those you love, without distractions. Those with this as their love language like to spend uninterrupted time with their loved ones, whether that’s cooking together, chatting about their day or having meaningful conversations about the future.

The five love languages - quality time

Receiving Gifts

Actions speak louder than words for those who have receiving gifts as their love language. People who prefer to speak the language of gifts don’t just love material possessions, they love the thought and effort that goes into finding their gifts. This isn’t a shallow or materialistic love language, as it’s the effort and thought behind something that makes a gift special.

The five love languages - receiving gifts

Physical Touch

Those with physical touch as their love language prefer physical expressions of love over verbal expressions or gifts. While the physical touch love language is often seen in romantic relationships, it’s still a language that can be utilised between friends. Those who have physical touch as their love language may need a hug or physical reassurance when they are upset or anxious.

The five love languages - physical touch

Acts of Service

Finally, there’s acts of service. Those who have this as their love language prefer to be shown that someone cares by their actions. They may love being cooked a meal, made a cup of tea or having someone offer to water their plants.

The five love languages - acts of service

How Relationships Benefit from Love Languages

For long lasting relationships, it’s not necessary that you both have the same love language. Just because one person prefers physical touch, doesn’t mean the other needs to.

The other may prefer meaningful conversation or thoughtful gifts, yet the two individuals can still benefit from a healthy and long lasting romantic relationship.

What’s more important is that two individuals take the time to understand each other’s love language.

Those who have physical touch as their primary love language may assume their partner feels the same. In fact, their partner may prefer verbal reassurance over physical intimacy. A compromise is needed to ensure both individuals feel loved and appreciated.

The love languages can improve your relationship providing you take the time to understand your partner’s love language.

While it’s easy to speak our own love language to our partner, there are times when we need to communicate via their love language instead.

Whether it’s romantic relationships or deep friendships, understanding what makes a person feel loved and appreciated is key.

Key Facts

  1. Gary Chapman put forward 5 love languages; each one referring to a certain way of showing and receiving love and appreciation.

  2. We each have our own primary love language – the way we naturally prefer to be shown love.

  3. The love languages don’t just apply to romantic relationships. They are also relevant when it comes to building relationships with friends and family members.

  4. The love languages are; words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch and acts of service.

  5. It’s not necessary for two individuals to have the same love language for their relationship to thrive. Instead, they should take the time to understand each other’s language and make compromises to ensure each person feels loved and appreciated.